{their bedroom doors}

i really need to get my story posted here somewhere.  it would make our situation easier to understand.  someday i will.  for now, the abridged back story.  lisa and i have the kids 50% of the week.  their dad has them the other 50%.  it's really hard on everyone but what is also most fair for everyone.

one thing that i've found i catch myself doing is closing their bedroom doors.  not because of the mess, although that would be enough on it's own.  bailey's is always closed, but if it weren't i'd close his too.

i'm not sure what it is but i hate walking by and seeing it open and them not being in their.  i guess it makes me miss them more.  if that's even possible.  don't get me wrong, i've come to appreciate my time without them.  i get to spend time with lisa one on one and i also get time to myself.  both are precious to me.


that doesn't mean that a part of me isn't missing when they're not with us.  maybe that's why i shut the door.  to keep the heartbreak away just a little bit.

{This has been sitting in my posts for months and months and now my love is away on business.  She's been gone for ten days and my the kids have been here off and on but have been gone for four straight days.  It seems right to post it now because with her gone too all of these feelings are intensified.  Today, my heart is broken.  It's empty.  I'm lonely.  Luckily it's all coming to an end soon.  The kids will be home tonight and Lisa will be home tomorrow afternoon.  Then, the world will be right again and I can open these damn doors and get a draft going in here.  It's hot.  ;)}

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